I see you. You are overwhelmed with responsibility, underwhelmed in your personal satisfaction. You are stuck on the hamster wheel of responsibility of endless tasks. Things that HAVE to be done. For you, your partner, your kids, your parents, your work, your community. Everyone needs a piece of you. This is leaving you to feel overworked, stressed out, and underappreciated. You are ready for a breakthrough. You are ready for a journey of joy and self-discovery – maybe re-discovery depending on where you are in your season of life.
Let’s dig into this.
First, let’s consider: What are your Joy Thieves? The culprits are usually along the lines of:
Over-commitment – saying yes to everyone, all the time. You don’t want to hurt their feelings, you feel like it is your job to do all of the things for all of the people. You are using all of your downtime – evenings and weekends and holidays to catch up on work instead of doing things that are fun, relaxing, or rejuvenating. Constantly prioritizing work and responsibilities over your well-being. Generally taking on more than you can handle.
Perfectionism – if you are highly critical of yourself, you just might be a perfectionist. This can look like setting unrealistic expectations of yourself and quitting when you don’t achieve 100% because what is the point? Spending excessive amounts of time planning, writing, rewriting things that are not of huge consequence. Avoiding or procrastinating something because you don’t think you can do it well. Spending too much time dwelling on past mistakes. Stressing out because you don’t believe you can be successful at something and give up rather than making progress.
Comparison – the world of social media has made this an automatic reflex for all of us. Are you looking at other people’s highlight reels, only the positives that they are sharing, and now you’re feeling that they are doing so much better than you are. Creating doubts about you, your accomplishments? Do you feel left behind when a friend gets a promotion or a new car, or a nice vacation? Do you compare your looks or fitness level or material possessions against what other people have? Do you ever feel inadequate when you think about other people?
Neglecting Self-Care – if you are ignoring what you should be doing for yourself, in order to show up as your best self, then sister, join the club. We all do that at some point in our life. This might be not taking care of the foundation - sleep, nutrition, movement, and health. It might be not setting boundaries and letting people know what you are willing to do or tolerate. It often is you not managing your mental and emotional health, not taking the time for stress management or relaxation.
Now, let’s take a look at what you need to Break Free of these negative patterns, hurts, limiting beliefs, the things that stop you from believing in yourself, recognizing your worth and value, and that are robbing you of joy.
Acknowledge and release any past regrets: You weren’t perfect. You could have avoided a situation that caused you pain. Or responded to an issue in a better way. You could have not said the mean thing, or stood up for yourself, or believed in yourself. It doesn’t matter, you can’t change the past. Let it go and move on. Make room for more positive experiences.
Identify and release your limiting beliefs. These are your thoughts that start with I’m not, I don’t, I can’t. I’m not good at writing or managing a project. I’m not a good partner or parent. I don’t manage money well. I can’t practice self-care like working out, eating right, or getting enough sleep because I’m already too busy. I’m not good enough unless I’m perfect. I don’t deserve to be happy. You have your own party lines, we all do. You created a whole life around them. They aren’t serving you. It’s time to let them go. Use affirmation statements that change the thought to something that serves you. For example, I am enough. I deserve happiness.
Practice forgiveness, of yourself and others. For the ways in which you believe other people wronged you or treated you in a way that is less than what you deserved. For where you feel like you failed or could have done so much better. For not meeting your own standards. This is the time to release that guilt and see the positive side of what those experiences brought to you.
Finally, Embrace Positive Transformation. Now that you’ve started to clear away your obstacles and roadblocks. Let’s lean into the positive and what you can create.
Make space for you.
Set boundaries. Learn to say no to the commitments and time suckers that do not align with your values and goals.
Rediscover what brings you joy, what lights you up, or makes you smile. Be open to trying new things.
Embrace your mistakes. Learn from them, appreciate the growth opportunity, and always find the humor.
Cultivate relationships.
Release the people that weigh you down. You don’t need that energy in your life. Instead, surround yourself with people who lift you up. The people that make you smile. You know who both groups are because when you walk away from them you are left with a feeling that is either very negative or very positive. Pay attention to that feeling and recognize that is the impact that they are imprinting on you.
You don’t want to always be the smartest person in the boardroom or the fittest person in the gym. If you are always the top dog you are never pushed to be more, do more, create more. You want to surround yourself with people who motivate you to strive. And then invest in those positive connections. Make time for coffee, lunch, a phone call. Cultivate the relationship.
Prioritize self-care.
Make time for activities that rejuvenate you. It might be 30 minutes of quiet time, or meditation. Maybe it’s a walk or painting. Maybe singing and dancing lights you up. Focus on the foundations – sleep, nutrition, movement, and general health. Take care of you. Feed your soul.
Practice mindfulness. Do not live on autopilot. Consciously make decisions that have you living the life you want and deserve or at least moving in that direction. Be as kind and forgiving to yourself as you are to others.
Practice gratitude. Paying attention to the things that you are grateful for will shift your entire being. It can be the big stuff. I am thankful for my partner and our relationship with all of the ups and downs. I am thankful for the home that we have built and the material goods that we have. But also don’t forget the small things. I am so thankful for the sunshine on my face this afternoon, or for someone else’s joy and laughter. I am most certainly grateful for this morning’s perfect cup of coffee. Gratitude is an absolute game changer.
We covered a LOT of ground this month. My friend, it is time. Understand what is holding you back. Rework it, remove it, break free. And then let’s embrace the positive transformation. You deserve it. Remember, if you don’t change it, you choose it. The choice is yours, your chance is now.
Let me help! Join me for Sister Circle on July 10th at 8pm EST. We are going to be working on exactly this!! It is virtual and only $8. Register here: Sister Circle. You’re going to love it!
I love you,
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