How often do you catch yourself saying “It is what it is”? This used to be a mantra that I lived by. So much so, that I had a sign hanging in my laundry room that said just that. At that time, I was in the midst of raising 3 boys - teenagers or pre-teens who were all involved in multiple activities, I had a husband that worked a lot and had little control of his schedule. I was working an OK job, and was working on one degree or another. That is exactly where I was in my life - It is what it is. Just get it done and make the best of it. Sometimes though, we need to take a step back and ask ourselves - is this reality, or is it the reality that I’m willing to accept?
I think that, especially as women, we often play the martyr. No one else can be counted on, no one else can get all the things done, no one else can do it right, no one else can find the missing whatever it is at that moment - sports jersey, keys, charging cable.... So, fine, I’ll do it. Just like I always do. Just me? Yeah, I bet you do it too. What even is that? Are we tired of being let down? Are we ingrained in the victim mentality? Or do we want to feel needed? Don’t even tell me that it’s just easier because we both know that in the long run teaching others to fend for themselves is better for both of us.
Here’s what I think is happening. We like to be in charge, to get things done, to feel needed. Then, we fall into this trap of monotony or unhappiness and start blaming other people or external circumstances for all of the issues and problems that we have. We start to feel like we don’t have control over any of the things in our lives. We might even start looking for someone else to come and rescue us.
No more sister, we don’t play that game. I talk a lot about mindset, let’s do it again. We can embrace a more proactive approach, a more empowered mindset to break the cycle and take control of our own lives. We can take the initiative to make positive change. For us, and for those around us. This might look like making change for long term goals, learning new things, taking action for personal growth, moving our bodies to create positive energy, or even just a short daily meditation to manage our stress.
Don’t misunderstand, sometimes the mantra of “it is what it is” is exactly what we need to get us through a situation that we can’t control and is 100% appropriate. As much as we want to, we can’t control everything. We can, however make the best of what we have and always strive for a little more.
Here is an example that I am currently living. Sorry, I’m going to get on my soapbox about the current state of women's healthcare in this country. It’s absurd. I’ve had some issues. They started 4 months ago. I still don’t have good answers. 4 months! I’ve gotten a lot of let’s get an appointment set up - the soonest is in 2 months - what the hell?? I’ve gotten a lot of it’s this, oh wait, no it’s not. I’ve gotten a lot of we just have to wait and see. I couldn’t be more frustrated with the process. I have very little control (I’m not good at that) and I’m at the mercy of a healthcare system that makes me feel like they are checking the box, very quickly, and moving on. This is what I’m not doing. Sitting around waiting for the next available appointment. I’m calling regularly to ask if there are openings. I’m emailing the doctor when I have questions. I’m proactively asking for medications that might help, for bloodwork to determine if there are serious changes. And now, 4 months later, after what I consider to be a series of ridiculous missteps by my gynecologist, I got a new one. So many things out of my control - and costing me a small fortune, but I’m not sitting around waiting for it to happen to me. I’m being proactive, getting the answers that I can, and making the best of it.
Sister, what I’m asking you to do is accept the things that you cannot change with the best possible mindset, with positivity and gratitude. And then for the things that you can control, stand up and take action that best serves you. That’s right, you. Because when you are taking care of you, everyone around you will be better off. Surprise yourself, you have more power than you give yourself credit for.
Does this make sense but you can’t see yourself doing it? I’m here to help. Reach out.
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All the best,
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