It’s the most wonderful time of the year. Holiday greetings, happy meetings, parties for hosting, much mistletoeing, sounds AMAZING! We look forward to this all year long. And then it happens. The expectation sets in. Do all of the things, be in all of the places, host the gatherings, get the gifts, eat right, exercise, keep your finances in check, be nice, please everyone. And do not over-stress. No pressure right!?!
How do we manage all of that without it taking a toll on us? On our wellness. Our happiness. It shouldn’t be this hard. Could the answer be as easy as: Expectation, Moderation, and Mindset. Probably not, but we can work on it.
Photo by Scott Webb on Unsplash
Expectation
Let’s start with expectation. The holidays come with a lot of them. Maybe it’s time to think about who is creating the expectation, and for what reason. Are we hosting eighteen different gatherings because we think that is what everyone wants from us or because we created that expectation ourselves? Are we spending hundreds of dollars on gifts, so much time selecting the perfect gifts, hours on cookie making, preparing food for every get together whether it is work or social, attending countless gatherings and functions, and planning our own perfect family gatherings that sometimes we forget about what is really important.
Maybe it’s time to re-evaluate. There are two resources to consider. Time and money. We all have the same 24 hours in a day but how we spend those hours is completely up to us. Our money certainly isn’t the same, but again, we decide how to manage it. Here is my question of the season: presents or presence? Is your priority to give and get the perfect, prettiest wrapped gift or to have time with those you love, cherish and who fill your cup? Maybe we can back off of the expectation of the perfect holiday and just enjoy the ‘being’. Maybe a gift of an experience after the holidays would be more appreciated than another whatever. Maybe a dinner out or a movie in would be more appreciated by all. My point is this - decide what your priorities are and get rid of all of the other noise.
Moderation
How about moderation in health and wellness? I don’t know about you but I seem to hold strong on my healthy habits - movement and nutrition - through Thanksgiving. And then all hell breaks loose. It’s like December comes roaring in with such a strong scent of overwhelm that I just shut down and say, “yeah, I can’t worry about that right now. I need to focus on the stress of the holiday and then I’ll pick it back up in January”. I refuse to play that game this year. I’m actually working with my coach to do what she calls ‘prehab’ the week before Christmas. This is essentially a 4 day elimination diet to reset the digestive system, adrenals, and just have a welcomed system reboot. We chose that week because I will have time to rest and focus on low key enjoyment. It seems like a crazy time to take that on but rather than trying to implement a new diet or exercise plan or the opposite, letting loose and going crazy for the month I am going to spend the month focused on moderation. Maybe rather than restricting you could just focus on adding foods that help - that provide energy and make you feel good. Add little movement, a little fun. It’ll be fine.
Mindset
Here are my two takeaways for this month's mindset. Boundaries and space. Boundaries can be related to the expectations and moderation that we already covered but it is bigger than just those two. Boundaries = set your own rules. You don’t have to have a second helping because you don’t want it to go to waste. You don’t have to eat dessert because you don’t want to hurt Gramma’s feelings. You don’t even have to go to the fourth get together of the weekend. You don’t have to be everywhere, all the time. A dessert. A drink. Babysitting for your sister, again. Another round of shopping with your girlfriend. You are allowed to say no. You get to decide where your time is spent. What is best for you and your family. You get to determine what your capacity is and decline an invitation or expectation. My caveat here is that in order to save feelings and relationships, communication is key. Graciousness is key. If you are polite and up front about the overwhelm and your inability to please everyone without suffering, the people that matter will understand and work with you.
I didn’t even get to the part where instead of being everything for everyone, you get to ask for help. Don’t be shy. Your partner, your friends, your family, none of them know that you could use a hand if you aren’t communicating.
What do I mean by space? For me, that means taking just a little time for myself. Every single day. You’ve heard me say it. You can’t be your best for everyone else if you aren’t taking care of yourself first. This might mean something different for each of you. For me it means having a little quiet time. Maybe walking, maybe meditating, maybe doing some breathwork, maybe journaling, maybe reading. What is it that you need to be your best?
Here’s a breathwork prompt for you to try. Get yourself in a quiet, comfortable space. Lock the kids, dogs, and partners out if you need to. Turn on some gentle music. Set your alarm for 5 minutes. Just breathe. Quiet your mind. If your thoughts start to wander, focus on the breath. Think “inhale”, “exhale”. Nice deep breaths into your belly and your chest. Slow, gentle exhale. That’s it. If you prefer, try a guided meditation. You can find lots on YouTube or there are several apps that are pretty good. You could even try one of my free meditations on YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQmDysfTnlg&t=104s.
This holiday season let’s focus on being calm, centered, and grounded. Being present, setting boundaries, and being mindful.
I have 2 programs currently open for registration:
New Year Reset - A live, virtual 2 hour workshop. We’ll do some breathwork, set a goal, and then use meditation to visualize and manifest that goal. 12/28, 12/31, and 1/8. $22 https://www.drtanyab.com/new-year-workshop
Sister Circle is an in-person event that will occur on 1 Sunday a month for 4 months. This program is all about filling your cup. Breathwork, meditation, and a host of activities with guest speakers. $333 https://www.drtanyab.com/sister-circle
If you’d like to connect with me, reach out on social media or send me an email info@drtanyab.com!
I’m wishing you the happiest of holiday seasons!
All the best,
Dr. Tanya B
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